


I know that you're a part of me (But it's a must to know that you love me too)

by EbethBeatlebub



Category: The Beatles (Band)
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Blood and Injury, Coming to Terms with the Past, Death, Dhani is psychic, Ghosts, Graphic Description, M/M, Reconciliation
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-02
Updated: 2020-10-02
Packaged: 2021-03-07 19:41:21
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 5,575
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26773072
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EbethBeatlebub/pseuds/EbethBeatlebub
Summary: The world is a lonely place for a ghost. You'd think with the amount of dead people out there, John and George would find more company. In their own ways however they've been totally isolated, and all the while they've been attempting to find one another. The longer they've searched for one another, the more their feelings have grown. Until they meet again they wonder the same thing; "Does he miss me? Does he love me too?"
Relationships: George Harrison/John Lennon
Comments: 9
Kudos: 20





	1. Chapter 1

"How long are you going to keep stalking me, John?" Dhani commented without looking up from his eggs. He continued scooping them up and eating, stopping to sip a bit of coffee. John, gobsmacked, just stared at him. He'd been under the impression that Dhani couldn't see him this whole time. Dhani had initially done that on purpose, afraid to spook him or something.  _ Plus, _ he hadn't opened up to his current girlfriend about his psychic powers yet, and he didn't want her to worry. It wasn't exactly something you brought up lightly. Imagine that though, the living man doesn't want to spook the  _ ghost.  _ All his years being able to sense the dead and other presences he'd never felt the need to be so  _ careful  _ as with John. 

Upon not getting any response Dhani looked up, making eye contact with the ghost sat across from him at his dining table. He smiled patiently but John only flustered further. 

The poor thing had been stalking him for months now. Maybe  _ 'haunting'  _ was a better word for it. Dhani at first hadn't any clue  _ why _ but... 

"You know, if you're hoping to see my dad, you're not going to run into him by tagging around with me everywhere," he said. John's eyes flickered around the room and he seemed to fade out a little like he was trying to hide. Must have hit the nail on the head. 

Smiling again, but sadly, Dhani looked back down at his eggs.

"I haven't seen him in years now. I'm not sure what happened, but he's stopped visiting me for a while now," 

_ "... Years?"  _

Dhani glanced back up, John was now the one making eye contact. For a man Dhani can't remember if he ever actually met or not, in life, John had so much sadness and empathy in the look he gave him. He knew what it was like though, so perhaps that was it. 

"Yeah," he nodded, his chest tightening a little bit. It's not that George never came around anymore  _ at all  _ but far less. He was 42 now, not a teenager or a young, confused adult who still needed his dad. Well he'd always  _ need him,  _ just not in the practical sense anymore. 

_ "Me neither,"  _ John muttered, mostly to himself,  _ "I saw him before he died. Maybe twice or so after that. He's not..."  _ he bit his lip and stared at the floor. 

Dhani shook his head, figuring what John meant, "No he's not _ gone.  _ He's just a bit floaty these days,"

John perked up a little and shifted in his seat,  _ "Really?"  _

Dhani nodded, "Last time we spoke he'd spent two years haunting a volcano. He's always doing something crazy, and comes back with stories to tell about it," 

John chuckled, his form solidifying a bit more now that he was more comfortable. 

_ "Haunting a volcano? Did he come back smelling like eggs?" _

Dhani smirked back and then leaned in to sniff his long forgotten plate of said eggs. 

"Hmmm... nope, don't think the scents match sorry," he jokingly reported back, and then they both cracked up. 

John had such a brilliant smile  _ especially  _ when it reached his eyes. A spirit like that shouldn't ever seem so lost and forlorn as it'd been whenever Dhani had caught sight of him these last few months. 

"Sometimes Dad just forgets time and space and needs to be woken up," he explained, "Usually storms or an animal will do it, but if you want to find him you may have to go looking for him yourself," 

John sighed. Dhani had  _ always  _ wondered if ghosts breathed or if they just went through familiar motions out of habit from life. 

_ "I don't know how I'm supposed to do THAT. The world's HUGE. I'd never find him,"  _ he said. The frustration in his voice, and the way he scowled and began picking at his sleeve indicated he'd probably actually  _ tried  _ already. Dhani reached out to touch his hand. It was  _ almost  _ there. John's hand was barely tangible beneath his own, just enough to hold it up from falling onto the table, but it felt like air resistance and not a solid object. John glanced up with only his eyes, the many wrinkles in his forehead deepening. 

"John, if you can feel his presence then you only need to follow that," Dhani said. Of course he'd never  _ chased _ down a ghost before as he liked to mind his own business, but he knew that you could feel their energies more strongly the closer they were so it had to be of some truth. 

_ "I triiiiiied"  _ John whined. He didn't seem irritated at  _ Dhani  _ but irritated indeed. 

Dhani squeezed the hand, his own nearly passing through it.

"John you can't give up. I know he wants to see you too, and he's out there somewhere. He misses you so much you know," 

John drew his hand back suddenly, his form fading as he quickly looked down.

_ "No he doesn't"  _ he muttered darkly. 

Dhani stood up and placed both hands onto the table, looking him square in the face. 

"Hey," he raised a very grouchy brow, "You don't know what he feels. You're not  _ him  _ are you?" he defended his father. 

John faded back in with about as grouchy a face and he retorted,  _ "Yeah but YOU'RE not him either, so?"  _

The both of them remained locked in a staring contest of wills for a bit, and then Dhani sat back down. 

"John you're right. I don't know what he truly thinks but I've got a better idea than  _ you  _ firstly," he said, reaching out to sip some lukewarm coffee, "and secondly, how can you know if you don't go  _ find  _ him and ask?" 

John knew damn well he was right but immediately reverted back to staring at and picking his sleeve. It was a bit sad to see him in those clothes; the ones he died in. Ghosts normally shifted between clothes they used to wear in life, their ages and appearances changing with their moods. John must've been in  _ quite _ a state emotionally to be looking like  _ this  _ after all these years _. _ How sad... 

"John," he asked softly. 

He looked up, expecting more debating probably. 

"Do you want a hug?" he asked. 

John didn't immediately respond, almost looking suspicious about the question. That made him just feel even sadder for the dead man. 

"I just..." he worried that John probably had too much pride to admit he needed a hug, so he carefully chose his next words, "I don't remember if I've ever hugged you before,"

John almost completely faded, shrinking in on himself. 

" _ No! _ Please don't go," Dhani reached out to grab him. At first he wasn't sure if John was still there or not and he began to feel terrible. Had he scared him off? Slowly though he began to fade back in again. 

Relieved, Dhani smiled and got up to come around to John's side. All the while the ghost was watching him. 

"Come on," he said, offering his open arms, adding cheekily "would you do it for Dad?" 

John couldn't physically blush but his entire aura gave off that he was doing it in spirit... literally. He hesitated, but Dhani didn't budge. Finally, John got up and straightened himself out, and placed his hands on his hips. 

_ "You sure?"  _ he asked one more time. 

Dhani nodded, completely serious but not urgent. He wanted him to feel safe; to feel  _ wanted _ . You'd think a guy like John  _ was.  _ Then again, not everyone can have a psychic for a son, or be at relative peace with solitude. Adoration from strangers and one sided conversations with loved ones who can't actually sense you must be hard on someone like John. 

Finally, the ghost gave in and slipped his arms around the technically younger man. It was crazy, Dhani thought, that John was two years  _ younger  _ than him physically. He was also  _ shaking  _ now; the spectral limbs that held him were trembling, the back upon which his hands rested began to heave. Droplets colder than ice could ever compare to began to fall onto his skin and trickle down. John was  _ crying.  _

Dhani held him tighter, nestling his head over his shoulder.

"It's gonna be okay, John," he whispered.

As John cried harder, blood began to trickle out from the many holes in his back, running over Dhani's hands and arms. He didn't mind though. Occasional droplets would land on the floor before dissipating, and he watched them til the bloody rivers dried up, and the shaking ghost was still again. He didn't say a word, he just waited for John to. 

_ "... I miss him so much,"  _ he whispered. Dhani felt his heart surge with empathy and warmth. 

"I do too. But he's still  _ with us, _ " he replied. 

John pulled away first, guiltily grimacing at the bloodstains he left on Dhani's pyjama shirt before they too faded like the droplets on the floor. 

"John, I  _ know  _ you'll find him," he said, taking his hands, "You just can't give  _ up _ ," he repeated. 

John smiled sadly,  _ "I'm really gonna have to go play Where's Waldo for 'im, aren't I?"  _ he joked, earning a chuckle from Dhani. 

"Absolutely. And when you see him next? Tell him he should visit more often?" 

John's smile softened and he tilted his head thoughtfully, as if just now realising that Dhani was missing his dad too. Typical John? Maybe. It tracked. 

_ "I'll bloody kick his arse for you if you wanted me to,"  _ he replied, not even joking. 

Dhani busted up and covered his mouth. John couldn't help but be struck by the similarities between the man before him and the one he longed for, and so his expression turned more complicated before Dhani spoke again. 

" _ Please _ don't kick his ass," he said, then reached out and hugged the ghost again. 

John was a bit stiff in response this time but didn't push him away. Maybe all he needed was time, and he'd grow to be more comfortable... happier. Maybe his dad could help him. John gave a gentle, unsure kiss to the side of his head before pulling away. They both smiled at one another. 

"But you know, you don't need to go right away. It's nice talking to you," he offered, ever the gracious host. There were actually quite a lot of things he'd always wanted to know. It wasn't every day you had John Lennon in good spirits at your disposal... all puns intended. John shook his head however and stepped back. 

_ "I think I have to go NOW,"  _ he decided, looking off into the distance, _ "Before I get too scared again," _

"Alright. I can respect that," Dhani nodded, though disappointed a bit. 

John began to walk towards the door, and as he did he turned back once more. 

_ "Thanks, kiddo,"  _ he said in a funny voice, giving a salute and a stupid smile before continuing on and fading completely away. 

"Good luck," Dhani mumbled to himself, staring after the spot where he was. 

***


	2. Chapter 2

John didn't know how long he'd been hanging around Dhani, but at least it wasn't time wasted in vain. Not really anyway. 

He was stood outside on a bank by the river Ganges. Sure, he'd checked here maybe a thousand times, but worth a shot right? He crouched down and peered into the water, reaching out to touch it. The water rushed through his fingers, and he thought back to Dhani and how he'd held him so warmly. What a great guy. 

John smirked and sat down, his feet submerged in the waters now. Leave it to George to have a bloody psychic for a son...

His expression turned colder... leave it to George to be so  _ spaced out  _ wherever he was that he'd just disappear for years on end. It explained why he hadn't seen him nearly at all since their stilted meeting back in 2001 when the man had died in the first place. He could count on one hand the rest of the times they'd met. 

_That's_ what was mainly bothering John. George was one of the _only_ people in the world he could and _wanted_ to talk to, and yet he was nowhere to be found. It was a lonely world for a ghost. You'd think with all the dead people out there, you'd run into them more often, but it was actually rather difficult as you could only contact the ghosts of people you actually _knew_. That depended on if you could even _find_ them. 

Visiting the living was easier but far less rewarding in John's opinion. Haunting people was fun but not fulfilling, and thus got boring after a while too. Ultimately, whilst it was nice to be free of laws and social constructs, it was also so crushingly lonely to be forced to only watch and not participate. 

At least animals could see him sometimes. As he thought this, a bird flew down and landed on a rock near him, and he watched as it bobbed its head around. A pretty little black bird. It swiped its beak on the rock a few times before eyeing John. He faintly smiled and reached out to touch it, only for it to take off.

_ "Hmm," _ he looked up after it in the sky. It reminded him of Paul. 

He stood up and began to wade his way deeper into the water, trying to wash himself of those thoughts before they had a chance to take hold. He was over Paul and this time it was real. Not just out of spite, or because he  _ had  _ to get over him... he just  _ was.  _ He tried to not think about it too hard though, since a sort of weirdness still lingered even if the unrequited feelings had gone away. Now he had _new_ feelings to focus on and think about. 

He laid on his back, floating in the water, staring up at the sky. The current began to carry him downstream and he let it, opting to gaze at the clouds as they crept across with the breeze. The water felt funny as it whooshed and trickled around him, his hair curling and floating around. He closed his eyes and the sounds of the world filled his ears like a concert of nature, and he tried to single out individual sounds to appreciate them better. Was this how George was spending his days now? John had to admit that honestly, it was kind of nice to just lose yourself in the world. He wasn't really able to _do_ it properly though, since his mind kept wandering back to George. _Where is he? How is he? Does he miss me? Does he love me? Do I love him?_ _What if I tell him and he hates me for it? What if he never speaks to me again?_

The longer they were apart, the more it seemed that these feelings grew. Every little memory; from the way he looked and sounded, to things they had said and done together... His music, his laughter, and the sunshine he smiled with in contrast to the deceptive frown always in his eyes... those dark heavy eyes that masked so many secrets that John was dying to know. How many times in the past had he felt that way about George but never bothered to pay it any mind? The deeper he fell, the deeper his fear of rejection became as well. Yet still he'd carried on searching for him anyway for years. Was the endless searching worth the potential cost? 

He closed his eyes and heaved a sigh. There go his  _ damn _ thoughts again. Why did it have to be so hard? He hoped that maybe if he could just  _ see  _ George that things would start to make sense... Maybe they could talk, or maybe they'd just see one another and know. The sunlight was swallowed up by the moving clouds. John continued downstream, eyes closed, though it was far less relaxing now. He was too lazy to move. 

_ "I just want my friend back,"  _ he whispered aloud, his voice stuck in his throat with the start of tears threatening his eyes. All questions and mysteries of love  _ aside,  _ that was what he wanted most of all; to be with him at  _ all _ , to have him near. He'd been so selfish in life, always demanding all or nothing from those he loved. Maybe he deserved to be alone like this. Little swirling rivers of blood curled around him with the currents and he could feel it. He thought back to Dhani's embrace and comforting words before attempting to zone out again, trying to escape that dark place.

***

After about a day's worth of floating down the river, John finally noticed that the land around him was changing. Seems he'd managed to zone out after all. The change in the water's movement and the sounds of the ocean caused him to awaken from the trance and he sat up on the water, glancing around. 

This place was actually quite cool looking. It was the delta where the river split off into a whole bunch of little rivers before emptying out into the sea. He turned around and squinted at the horizon. Water for miles and miles, just as expected. It was late afternoon now, nearly sunset and he wondered what he should do now. His courage and ambition from earlier had sort of left him. At least the sky was beautiful. He especially loved how it reflected across the water like a wobbly mirror or a Van Gough painting. George would probably love this. He'd probably sit down beside him, all majestic and serene... Then John would ruin the moment by cracking a joke about the fish missing out on the view. 

John cocked his head. Huh...  _ could  _ fish see the sunset? He peered down at the water and... 

_ "Wait..."  _

He'd still been sort of out of it, not  _ really _ aware of his surroundings, but now that he'd woken up properly, it was impossible to ignore. There was a presence there beneath the water, bubbling up and enveloping John's entire being, like a warm breeze. He trembled as he took it all in. George was here. 

He stood up and ran across the delta, over the shore and into the ocean. With a smile on his face and a lightness in his heart he dove down beneath the waves and swam. His appearance began to shift, slowly turning back the years; The holes in his chest and back began to close, his face less wrinkled, hair shorter, his body thicker and fitter. With every stroke of his arms through the water he felt the excitement grow as the weariness shrank away. 

***

George was still frozen in place where he'd been for god only knew how long. Some years back he'd made the most delightful discovery; he'd met his reincarnation. It was a cute little hermit crab, and he'd become dearly attached to it. It was like an extension of himself, or a second son. He'd tracked it and done his best to protect it. Sometimes he'd talk to it. 

Now however, that little crab was long gone. George was numb still from the shock, having watched his own reincarnation be suddenly snatched and gobbled up by an octopus. He'd almost reached out to stop it from happening but didn't have the time, as it was over in seconds. 

Now it was the octopus's turn to be eaten though; it'd lived and bred and now it's corpse was host to a beautiful but morbid festival of colours as the many kinds of fish that lived nearby swarmed and feasted upon it. All things must pass indeed. He'd always known that was the way it was, but that didn't stop it from still hurting. He'd loved that little crab. He'd loved and lost many people, some were to be expected and thus he'd had time to prepare. Other times it'd been sudden just like the crab. 

Like John. It was just like losing John all over again, but this time at least he knew it was a naturally typical event and not such a senseless thing as murder. He could still remember how he'd been in shock about  _ that _ too. He'd simply heard the news, gone to sleep again, and then woke up and nothing had changed. He was dead and George had never said or done all the things he should have, or wanted to. Even the few times he'd seen John since, it still wasn't enough, but it was like John still was avoiding him. Every time he had gone to look for him, it was like his presence was getting further and further away. 

Maybe the crab had been about more than just himself. Maybe he was just missing having friends. Missing that touch, that precious company. His son was all grown up now so George liked to give him space. Olivia had moved on emotionally and so had he. He'd made about as much peace with the living as a dying man could before his time and they'd all grown up and moved on too. The world was beautiful and at his disposal now, but now that no one needed him anymore he always slipped into little spells like these. They used to not be so dark though, they used to be just him relaxing and losing himself to the beauty surrounding him, but it had finally become too difficult to outrun his own mind. He wasn't at peace with  _ shit _ . He had  _ so _ many unresolved issues. Maybe they'd always be. Who was he kidding? This wasn't about him not being needed by others, it was about him still needing others himself, whether they did too or not. 

Then, about as soon he'd come to that solemn conclusion, George felt a warmth around him. The currents of water shifted differently and his senses began to come back to their full extent, and for the first time in a long time he was outside of his own head. He blinked and looked around, searching groggily for the source. It was such a beautiful aura, one filled with love and excitement and it was drawing nearer and nearer to him. 

***


	3. Chapter 3

The further out to sea John swam the more fish and plants began to emerge. Despite the dwindling light from above, it was just enough for him to make out in the distance a lone figure curled up by a cave looking thing in the reef. Tears began to stream from his eyes, but crying was  _ different  _ this time. No pain, no blood, just relief _ ,  _ just  _ love.  _

He centred himself so his feet touched the sandy floor and he ran the rest of the way. 

George was sitting there, knees to his chest, a serious look on his face as he stared off to the side. He had that long straight hair, and a shaggy beard like how he had it in the early 1970's. His hair was floating and curling around his head with the water and it made him look like the handsomest bloody mermaid you'd ever seen. As John drew nearer and nearer George seemed to start waking up, his eyes blinked and he began to look around, as though he  _ knew  _ something was coming. John began to laugh, calling out his name. It was the sound of it that caught George's attention, his head turning to face him directly. 

_ "John?"  _ it looked like his mouth had silently formed, but John was too far away still to know for sure. George merely stared, unmoving, but then he seemed to wake up more. Once he'd registered what was happening, he leapt up from his spot in the sand and began to run as well. His smile grew bigger the closer he got, his laughter rising up to join with John's. His appearance also began to shift, and now matched John's; Younger, healthier,  _ happier.  _

Then as they finally collided in the middle, George practically tackled John to the ocean floor, arms  _ and  _ legs around him as he peppered him with kisses. John was shocked but pleased all the same, and he continued to laugh as his long lost friend unleashed his uncontrollable affection. George pulled back after a bit, finally and practically  _ shouted.  _

_ "John!"  _

John grinned back up, and less loudly, answered in kind,  _ "George!"  _

George's eyes were filled with pure adoration and sunshine. He ran both hands up John's torso and then into his moppy hair. 

_ "You're here,"  _ he muttered softly, disbelieving. 

_ "I am... I'm amazed that  _ **_you're_ ** _ here. I've finally found you,"  _ John responded, voice uneven. 

George cocked his head quizzically, his voice bashful and even  _ further _ disbelieving,  _ "You've been looking for me?"  _

John managed to sit up, George now sort of sat on his lap a bit awkwardly, knees bent on either side of his hips. 

_ "George... I've been looking for you for years,"  _ he said, and George's eyes widened, his mouth slightly ajar 

John's eyes flicked down to George's lips and he continued  _ "I kept trying to follow your presence-"  _

_ "but you couldn't find me no matter how far you followed it?"  _ George completed for him, less uncertain in his tone now but more understanding. 

John raised his eyebrows and looked him in the eye intensely. Had George...  _ been looking for  _ **_him_ ** _ too?  _

George's guilty smile and the way he averted his eyes gave it away. 

_ "I was beginning to think we were like polarised magnets,"  _ he confessed. 

John felt warm all over and leaned in, resting his forehead on George's. 

_ "Bloody idiots, aren't we?"  _ he cursed, nearly ready to cry from the irony. His hand trailed up to cup the side of his face. 

_ "Yeah..."  _ George closed his eyes and leaned into his hand, turning his head and John tilted his to the other side. Their noses brushed past one another, their lips close but neither made that move just yet. George tightened his hold on him, pulling their chests together. Through their connection they shared so much without needing to say anything. The tenderness with which they held one another, and all the soft touches and noises they made as hands travelled around to feel every inch of each other. The ocean around them kept softly swishing about, the sunset up above dwindling away almost completely. It wasn't until it was totally dark and the water was black and cold before the two finally moved in, meeting with their lips at last. 

An immediate buzzing of energy burst forth between them and consumed them whole. John moaned, vulnerable and needy, and at the exact same time George must have snapped inside too. He pushed John forward, laying them both down on the sandy floor and took the lead from there. He pressed himself down onto the other ghost and licked open his lips to gain access within. It wasn't quite the same to be kissing like this with no taste or smell, but they could  _ feel _ each other. They were together and everything they needed to say, to talk about, those things could wait. This was love, and it was well overdue. 

***

_ "So, I take it you missed me?"  _ John asked. They'd ended up kissing and caressing one another silently for nearly the entire night, and after a while the sky had become lighter again, but they hadn't moved from their spot on the ocean floor. At some point they'd resigned to just laying next to each other, staring at one another. They did eventually need to talk, though, so John began. 

George smirked and joked in response,  _ "Nah, I'm just naturally this affectionate,"  _

John chuckled and ran a hand up the other's side,  _ "What have you been  _ **_doing_ ** _ here? Dhani told me you liked to go haunt weird places and space out sometimes, but-"  _

_ "You've spoken to Dhani?"  _ George cut him off, looking confused. 

John raised an eyebrow,  _ "Huh? Oh, yes I did,"  _ he averted his eyes bashfully,  _ "After years of failing to find you I attempted to haunt him in the hopes you'd come visit him,"  _

He made a pointed look at him,  _ "He said to me though that you've been missing for  _ **_years,_ ** _ "  _

George had a sort of guilty look about him, and he cursed himself. 

_ "I... I got caught up following around my own reincarnation actually,"  _ he admitted softly

John blinked for a moment,  _ "Wait really?"  _

George shrugged with one shoulder,  _ "Well he's dead now but he was a little crab, but uh, yeah... anyway I haven't been back to see my son for a while because it seemed like he didn't really need me anymore,"  _

John, having felt that way many times himself, reached out to grab his hand. 

_ "George that's bloody stupid and you know it,"  _ he said. George looked away, biting his lip. His hair began to grey as the shame crept back up on him. 

_ "George,"  _ John repeated. He waited for George to look back before saying anything else. 

_ "... yes John?"  _ he asked finally. 

_ "Everyone needs their parents still. Trust me, I'm sort of an expert in that,"  _ he replied, a bit self deprecatingly. 

George smiled sadly and shrugged,  _ "I... yeah that's true I suppose, but it's easy to forget that. I miss being needed as much as I used to be though"  _

John scoffed,  _ "What, like  _ **_I_ ** _ haven't spent the last two decades  _ **_looking_ ** _ for you?"  _

George laughed nervously,  _ "Well I didn't  _ **_know_ ** _ that, did I?"  _

They both stared at each other, bitter-sweet smiles on their lips. John scooted closer and wrapped his arms around him. 

_ "Now you do,"  _ he said,  _ "and it's time to stop moping around," _

George nodded gently, knowing that he was absolutely right. 

_ "I take it we're probably headed to see him next, then?"  _ he asked 

John sat up and George followed suit. 

_ "Yeah. And not just him either. There's other people out there who miss you, you know. Living  _ **_and_ ** _ dead. The world's nice and all, but from the sounds of it you've been using it as an excuse to not see people,"  _

George pulled his knees up to his chest, hugging his legs, not too happy about being read that easily. John noted that maybe it was sort of fitting he'd been reincarnated into a  _ crab.  _

_ "How long has it been since you visited someone?"  _ John asked. If he'd not seen Dhani in years, he wondered how long it'd been since he had visited others too. 

George stared at his feet guiltily,  _ "I... haven't been to visit anyone other than my family at all,"  _ he confessed,  _ "I stopped by to see them all maybe once or twice and then didn't go back,"  _

_ "Well,"  _ John raised his eyebrows,  _ "We're opposites it seems. I've not been able to bloody leave anyone  _ **_alone_ ** _ ,"  _

George snorted, and with a smirk he replied,  _ "I bet Paul's thrilled about that, isn't he?"  _

John looked down at his feet now, a cold feeling coming over him. George's face fell. Maybe it was too soon to bring Paul up? 

_ "I mean, I can only visit him in his dreams so it's not like he thinks I'm really there," _ John muttered. He drew patterns in the sand, the water immediately washing them away as he did so,  _ "... I stopped visiting him a few years ago actually. It was..."  _

_ "Hurting you?"  _ George dared a guess. 

John smirked,  _ "Actually no,"  _

He looked back up,  _ "The weird thing is... I stopped feeling  _ **_anything_ ** _ about him. I was always obsessed with the idea that my feelings couldn't possibly be unrequited. I obsessed so much over him that I stopped seeing him as a person"  _

George didn't show any tells but he was actually quite impressed with John's... well his  _ insight.  _ That was so much more mature than the John he remembered. 

_ "What made you realise?"  _ he asked. 

John laughed sadly,  _ "He got married the day after my birthday actually,"  _ he said, and George was actually a bit shocked. John shrugged with a smirk  _ "Yeah, I know... He did that and it was then that I guess I really had to accept the truth. And by that time, I think my own feelings had finally faded because instead of being upset I was just..."  _

He looked up towards the sky above the water, heaving a sigh,  _ "I felt nothing about it at all. But I didn't know how to  _ **_feel_ ** _ about feeling nothing, so I stopped visiting him because et was too weird to just be  _ **_seeing_ ** _ him as a regular man,"  _

John didn't  _ say  _ it but the unspoken 'a man who didn't need me anymore' was evident on John's face. George grabbed his hand and then stood them both up. 

_ "Well you know what,"  _ he said,  _ "we've sat around here long enough. Me especially," _

John tilted his head to the side, smiling a little. 

_ "You're going to make me visit Paul aren't you?"  _ he asked. Sure he himself had just guilt tripped George into visiting his own son, but he didn't like when the tables were turned on him. 

George rolled his eyes,  _ "Not  _ **_just_ ** _ him. But yes, I am. We've both got issues and shutting out the people we care about is something we should have left behind in life,"  _

He let go of John's hand to begin swimming to the surface, and John watched him go for a bit until finally following suit. 

***


End file.
